Stories of Joy

I'm going to be honest today. I've been struggling lately. Anxiety threatens to take me under at times. My husband is declining and there is nothing I can do about it. He fell Friday night, again. Has cuts and bruises, again.

My bright spot this week is simple and very personal.

Due to Mike's fall, I had a long talk with the head nurse at the facility where he is a resident. She started telling me how much they loved Mike and that she brought her dog to specifically visit him one day. Then she said that last week Mike was reading the Bible out loud to the other residents in the dining room and then said a prayer. She had never even heard him say a complete sentence before and this brought her to tears. Her stories helped ease the anxiety in my own heart and mind and brought a smile as I imagined the scenes.

I thank God that even in the midst of another setback, He brought me stories of joy.

A "No Answer"

In a previous post I shared a portion from a talk that Joni Eareckson Tada gave back in 2013. Today I want to share one more portion of that talk and then I'll share the link in the hopes that you will take the time to listen to her story from her own lips. She has much to say to us from her own trial and suffering.

"But while I was there alone, I was alone just with myself and with my Savior and tears streaming down my face, O Jesus, thank You, thank You for a no answer to a request for physical healing.  You really knew what You were doing so many years ago because a no answer to a request for physical healing has purged so much sin out of my life, so much selfishness and bitterness, and I know I’ve got a long way to go, but every day I want to wake up and I want to be a different Joni than I was yesterday, I want to be a Joni that You created, that You’ve destined me to be."

"You really knew what You were doing..." It doesn't happen right away, but given time I hope that all of us who have been or are going through a trial in our lives will come to the point where we can say the same thing and really mean it. I'm not completely there yet. I'm sure Joni did not come to this realization immediately. It was probably a painful journey both emotionally and physically.

None of us want a "no answer" and yet, over and over again as I read different stories, even though God answers "no", He is still there. He is still in control. He still loves. He still gives abundant life. He still has a purpose and a plan. He still gives guidance.

Through my own experience of dealing with my husband's trauma and the difficult years that have followed, I have seen and experienced God's presence, His guidance, His peace, His purging, His pruning. Yes, it's been painful. Yes, I don't understand why my husband hasn't been healed and now lives over 2 hours away from me. Yes, I wish it were different. But at the same time, I don't want to go back to the person I was 4 years ago. God has done a great work in my heart, mind, and emotions. I have learned so much about Him that I probably never would have otherwise.

If you are at the beginning of a traumatic event, give yourself grace and time. Let God minister to you. He is there and desires to hold you. Don't try to go it alone. We were not made for that.

If you are further along your journey, don't give up. God is still there. Wounds take time to heal and thankfully God doesn't prune everything at once. It may feel like it to us, but try to sit quietly at His feet and ask Him what He wants to say to you. Try just one minute of complete silence. Ask Him to help you discern His voice.

You may be wondering "Where's the bright spot in this?"

God's "no answer" in my life has shown me that many of the things I thought I needed or wanted aren't necessary. Even though He had to pry some things out of my hands, God is my bright spot. I've learned that He is not only my Savior and Lord, but my Sustainer, my Rock, my Shield, my Defender, the "lifter of my head" and so much more. He never leaves me.

There is so much peace and freedom in simply being content to sit at the Master's feet and receive whatever He desires to give. I have learned that He is faithful and trustworthy and I don't have to understand everything. I only have to stay close to Him and He will lift my head.

Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,

my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Tip: Let God lift your head so that you can see The Son.

To hear Joni's entire talk, visit https://www.gty.org/resources/sermons/TM13-2/a-deeper-healing.

Sweet Moments

Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)

A joyful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Nursing homes and memory care centers can be very sad places, but often there are sweet or funny moments that capture my attention while I am visiting my husband. Since Mike has been there over a year now, there have been several sweet moments, tense moments, funny moments, and sad or disturbing moments. I don’t know how the staff does it day in and day out. It is definitely a special calling and they need lots of patience plus our prayers.

One morning when I arrived, Mike was sitting at a round table with about 4 others. He was looking at a magazine, one lady was coloring and then there was another lady and a gentleman just sitting and occasionally chatting with each other. This is a memory care center so all of the residents have some type of memory issue. If you haven’t had the opportunity to be around someone with a memory issue, quite often they say exactly what they are thinking with no filters or embarrassment. 

The woman who was coloring was quite serious and focused on her picture. I told her she was doing a good job. She stopped, picked up her coloring sheet, examined it closely and declared that it was “VERY good!” Her statement made me laugh and I told her she was right, it was VERY good.

While the above scenario was playing out, the other two continued to chat in short bursts. Both are kindly and from time to time the woman would reach over and pat the man on the leg. Morning snack arrived and it was so sweet how they helped each other open the package and the joy on their faces as they shared their cereal bars with each other.

One woman always tells me how sweet my husband is and goes on and on about how he will do anything for her. I’ve never seen my husband interact with anyone, other than sit beside them, but she’s so joyful when she says it that I love to hear it. 

My all-time favorite interaction was with a woman who was riffling through Mike's clothes in his wardrobe. I asked what she was doing and she said she was getting the women's clothes. I told her I had just organized them and that they were all my husband's clothes. She pulled out one of his OSU t-shirts and said "See?!" About that time a staff member came in, asked what she was doing, and told her they had staff to do that. Her response was priceless "I thought I was staff!"

I've danced in the hallway and sung songs in the Gazebo with some residents, patted hands, given hugs, and gone along with whatever disjointed conversation someone wants to have with me. It not only brings a smile to their face, but to mine also.

Although there is much sadness around me when I visit my husband, I try to focus on the positives and look for the sweet moments and joy that can be found. If my husband smiles during my visit, I count it all joy. If he can talk with me instead of just repeat the same thing over and over, I give thanks to God.

No matter our situation, there is always joy to be found. When we look for and focus on joy, our burden is lighter and there is peace in our hearts.

Tip: A joyful heart is good medicine for us, those we love, and those we encounter!

Showers of Blessing

Ezekiel 34:26

And I will make them and the places

all around my hill a blessing

and I will send down the showers in their season;

they shall be showers of blessing. 

I started writing this post 3 rains ago, but today is a rainy day so a good day to send it out. The day I took these photos, was a couple of months back when we were receiving regular rains and everything was growing beautifully and staying green.

The last couple of months have seen precious little rain; therefore the rain today is a welcome release. It has been so hot, humid, dry and dusty that everything was turning brown and shriveled. The skies are grey and the showers are falling to the delight of all the remaining flowers, vegetables, fruits, grass, pumpkins, and farm crops. 

Personally, I like rainy days. I even pray for rainy days. It means a reprieve from working in the heat. It gives me a chance to catch up on indoor chores and desk work or to bake a treat or read a book.  I even enjoy taking a short walk if it isn't a downpour. It’s been so hot and dusty that the cool air and moisture are a relief to my senses. Another benefit is I received a free car wash, plus now the dust won’t swirl so much when driving in and out of the lane so it might stay a bit cleaner. 

Rain. Yes, it darkens the sky, but it replenishes the ground water giving us plenty of water to drink and use for other purposes. Rain is a gift, a bright spot.

I realize not everyone feels this way, but since I grew up on a farm, it was usually viewed that way by us. It was a necessity to our way of life. If all days were sunny, we’d all be in serious trouble. All living things must have water to survive. My husband didn't care for rainy days. Of course he knew we needed them, but they were like a trial to him. Rain was something to be endured, but it kept him from being outside as much as he'd prefer. I've known others who become depressed on rainy days or who speak of rain as a negative thing.

Back in the 1800's Daniel Whittle wrote the hymn There Shall Be Showers of Blessing. I find it very interesting to read the stories behind hymns or the authors who wrote them. When Whittle went off to war his devout Christian mother tucked a New Testament into his haversack and sent him off with many a prayer. He saw horrendous things and during one battle was knocked out. When he awoke, one arm had been amputated above the elbow. As he recovered, he had a desire to read and reaching into his pack pulled out the New Testament and proceeded to read it from cover to cover twice.

He still had no thought of becoming a Christian, although he now knew the way to salvation. Late one night a nurse woke him and asked him to pray for a soldier that was dying and begging for prayer. The nurse had seen him reading his Bible and believed he could help the young soldier. At first Whittle refused saying he'd never prayed in his life and was just as wicked as the nurse. The nurse persisted; however, until Whittle relented and went to the dying man.

The dying man asked Whittle to pray for him, to ask God to forgive him and Christ to save him. Daniel Whittle felt God speaking to him telling him he knew the way and to get on his knees, confess his own sin, and to pray for this dying soldier. Daniel did just that and believed that he had become Christ's child right then. When he got up from his knees the soldier had died with a peaceful look on his face. 

After the war he moved to Chicago and became acquainted with D.L. Moody. He became an evangelist and hymn writer. Showers of Blessing was inspired from the passage in Ezekiel. Through the trial or rainy season in his life when he couldn't be out and active as he probably wanted to, he found salvation through the reading of the Bible, plus brought salvation to another. Just as rain refreshes and replenishes the earth and has a purpose, so rainy seasons in our lives have a purpose and can cause much growth and harvest if we will yield to the Father. 



(Whittle story - http://digging-history.com/2014/04/06/hymnspiration-there-shall-be-showers-of-blessing/)

Ladies Gathering

I've always been a behind-the-scenes type of person, but have learned that sometimes I have to be the one to make something happen. Recently I became aware of a more grumbly and complaining spirit in myself. I didn't like it and realized that I needed friends.

After my husband was moved to a long-term care facility, I moved back in with my parents to help them. I guess I'm still considered a caregiver, but it's very different from the caregiving I did for my husband. Whereas he needed help with all of his ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) plus 24/7 supervision, my role now is mainly one of a helper which allows my parents to remain in their own home and continue to do many of the things they have done for years and years. I am the chauffeur, the garden and project assistant to my Dad, the errand runner, and the meal and house aide to my Mom, etc.

My parents are wonderful people and it is a true blessing to be able to help them during their aging years. At the same time, it has been a challenge after 30+ years out on my own. Due to my husband's TBI, we left behind our life in North Carolina, our home, our friends, our church family. It was a sudden and huge adjustment. I'm still adjusting.

If you are a caregiver or your spouse is in a long-term facility (like mine), it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine and become isolated. We can tend to have a laser focus on ourselves and those under our care. We find that we never go anywhere for fun and are not making the time to connect with other people. That's when the grumbling and complaining spirit emerges. We must realize that it is important to find people we can spend time with just for fun in an environment where we are comfortable.

This past weekend was a real bright spot for me. I stole an idea from a friend and held a Ladies Gathering here at my parent's home. It was simple, informal, and relaxing. We enjoyed a light breakfast of homemade Morning Glory muffins (yum!), fruit, coffee, tea and juice, then sat and just talked. No agenda, no program, no meeting, no politics, no pressure, no negativity.

It came about after talking with other women in the community and finding out I wasn't the only one who felt isolated at times and just wanted to have other ladies to talk with and get to know. Our days are full and most events have some sort of agenda or program and thus we never really get to talk with people and learn about them. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.

I invited ladies from the community, from church, and old school friends. It was a small gathering this first time due to several conflicts, but that's OK. It's not about the numbers, it's about enjoying whoever is here. I hope to have a gathering once a month and it may be a different group every month. That's fine too, it will have a different dynamic each time. I think that will be part of the fun! I really enjoyed the couple of hours we few ladies had together and I believe the other ladies did as well.

This gathering was a safe and comfortable way for me to reach out to others and help myself also. It's easy to think we are the only ones who feel lonely and that everyone else is too busy. That is not true. There is probably someone nearby who needs a friend as much as you do. It's just a matter of who is going to take a risk and reach out first.

Romans 12:10a

"Love one another with brotherly affection." 

Tip: Keep it simple and reach out.

Eternity

Through a series of small events Sunday, God led me to a great online sermon that had a clip from a talk given by Joni Eareckson Tada. If you don’t know who she is, she is a wonderful witness for Jesus and a quadriplegic. At the time of the recording in 2013, she had been a quadriplegic for 46 years.

She talks about how she desired and prayed to be healed, searched the Scriptures about healing, and how God spoke to her through Mark 1:38. In the preceding verses, Jesus had healed many and cast out demons. The next morning He got up early, found a quiet place and prayed. Simon and other companions found Jesus and exclaimed “Everyone is looking for you!” The assumption is that another crowd of people seeking healing had gathered and was looking for the healer.  Joni found Jesus’ response “curious”. Here’s what He responded:

Mark 1:38 (ESV)

And he said to them, “Let us go on to the next towns,

 that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out.” 

Joni says: “And that’s when it hit me, O did it hit me. It’s not that Jesus did not care about all those sick and diseased people, it’s just their problems weren’t His main focus. The gospel was. The gospel that says sin kills, hell is real, but God is merciful and His Kingdom can change you and Jesus is the way. And whenever people miss this, whenever they just started coming to Jesus to get their pain and problems fixed, the Savior would always back away.” 

Jesus’ priority was to proclaim God’s message of salvation to all, to bring healing to our souls by freeing us from sin and eternal death. 

Luke 19:10 (ESV)

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

If you do not know Jesus as your Savior, please consider the following:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” – Romans 3:23  

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6:23

- We have all missed the mark of God's perfection. We have all done wrong in God's eyes and therefore we have all earned eternal death (hell). God is holy and cannot allow sin without a payment. Jesus paid that payment in full. God offers us eternal life through Jesus Christ as a gift. A gift cannot be earned. It must be freely given and freely received.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6

- Jesus was very clear that He is the only way to gain access to the Father who is God.

“That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” – Romans 10:9&10

- Simply say and believe that "Jesus is Lord". This statement gives Jesus authority over our lives and is His promise that we are saved from eternal death.

“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” – 2 Corinthians 5:14&15

- You can be assured that now you are part of God's family and He will empower you by His Holy Spirit to live a life for Him. A life of joy and abundance.

You can look up these verses yourself in a Bible or online at a site such as https://www.biblegateway.com/. Give God a chance to speak with you.  He loves you and wants to spend eternity with you.  

God has made it very simple for us. It's just a matter of realizing we have done wrong in His sight, ask His forgiveness and believe what Jesus has done to bridge the gap between us and God. The greatest gift anyone can receive is the free gift of salvation. I hope you will search out the truth of Jesus and His great love for you today. A love that lasts for all eternity. 

John 15:13

"Greater love has no one than this, 

that someone lay down his life for his friends."

That's what Jesus did for you and for me. No one loves us like He does - unconditionally. No matter what life throws at us, as believers, Jesus is with us through it all. 

TIP: Don't delay to seek Jesus. It is a matter of life and death.

My Shepherd's Voice

After my husband’s accident that left him with traumatic brain injury (TBI), I took care of him off and on for four years. I say “off and on” because he was in a hospital plus rehab for about 3 months, then home, he spent 6 months at a brain injury facility, then home, 2 stays in a psychiatric hospital, then home, 9 months in a state hospital and then to an assisted living/memory care facility where he resides now. 

When he was at home, I was on call 24/7. I had very supportive family that did what they could, but basically he was my responsibility. If you are a full-time caregiver for someone who needs help with all of their ADLs, (Activities of Daily Living – bathing, toileting, eating, transferring, etc.) you understand what that means.  While my husband, Mike, could eat and walk, the damage to his brain caused him to gorge on his food which could cause choking and overeating. He was also prone to escaping out the door and heading toward the highway when I was busy elsewhere. The slightest thing could cause anxiety and uncontrollable behavior. I lived in a state of hyper-vigilance. 

Many people were praying for his healing and my strength and perseverance. Our Pastor and the deacons laid hands on Mike, anointed him with oil and prayed over him. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for Mike’s healing. God did bring about a lot of healing. Mike learned to walk again, to feed himself and swallow properly; however, at this point God has said no to a complete healing. 

Over the years, at the suggestion of different people, I’ve tried everything from large amounts of fish oil, to the use of essential oils, praying and playing CDs of healing scripture, plus alternative treatments. We moved in with my parents, then my brother and still nothing changed. I was tired and often at my wits end, but still trusting that God had a plan for us and God continued to sustain me. 

At the end of 2015, while Mike was having an alternative treatment session, I had a strong impression that said “This is who Mike is now.” I took a couple of months to ponder the statement and seek the Lord to be sure it was His voice before cancelling further treatment and stopping the almost 4 years of striving to make him better. The Lord gave me peace and calmness in just letting Mike live his new normal. He gave me peace in knowing that it was time to allow Mike to settle into life and routine at the memory care facility. 

Recently, a family friend stopped by and inquired about Mike. He told me that his family and church are praying for Mike’s healing. He then told me about a healer that comes to town occasionally and asked if I would consider taking Mike to him. All sorts of thoughts and questions ran through my mind, but I did not completely dismiss the idea. 

After he left, I felt unsettled in my spirit and discussed the conversation with family members. Later that week, I went to see my counselor. We talked about how God can use people to touch and heal, how God can heal without using people, and how it may not be God’s will to heal. Sometimes God has a different plan and desire from our own and He knows what will bring the most glory to Himself and how He plans to use the situation for His greater good which we may never know or fully understand.  We talked about how much peace I was given when I accepted the statement “This is who Mike is now.” We talked about knowing God’s voice and being obedient to it. 

I have never really been a confident person. I struggle with making decisions, like to have other people’s input and am prone to second guess my decisions. I am a peacemaker, don’t like conflict and want everyone to be happy. So when others give me suggestions and they are very sure and confident that it will work, I feel pressured and don’t want to let them down. Add into the mix that a lot of my decisions over the last four years have been for my husband and not for me, and it becomes doubly difficult. What would Mike do? Would he be comfortable with this? That’s when I have to rely on the still small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to me about our situation and what God wants for us.

The morning after my counseling session, during my morning time with the Lord, I read the following:

John 10:3-4

“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.”

John 10:14

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me…”

We are His sheep.

I sat quietly and asked the Lord to tell me what I needed to hear from those verses. What I sensed was that He wanted me to take His words to heart. I am His sheep. He calls me by name. He goes ahead of me. I follow Him because I know His voice. He is the good shepherd. He knows me and I know Him.  

For the first time, I finally got it. Jesus talks to me in my situation. I know it is His voice because He is my shepherd. This is an actual promise from Jesus to me. He says I will know His voice because I am His sheep. When I second guess, I’m actually second guessing Him. I know I am following Him, so I can be confident that I’m hearing His voice. When He told me “Mike is who he is”, I had great peace. A greater peace than had been mine for a very long time.

So when someone who does not know the entire story, but sees that Mike is still not in his right mind and believes God wants him to be healed by a healer, I can thank them kindly, but not start second guessing again. That is not from my Shepherd. He gives peace and if at some point He decides to heal Mike, then He will miraculously do so or He will let me know what to do. I will know it is from Him because it will come with peace and not turmoil. I am His sheep. I know His voice. What a revelation! I can be confident! I can know without a shadow of a doubt!  Thank you, Jesus! 

I share this story with you, in the hopes that as you are approached by well-meaning individuals, that you will pause, seek the Lord in prayer and by reading His word to find out what His will is for you and your loved one. Never feel pressured to do something that disturbs your spirit. If unsure, seek Godly counsel.

TIP: Listen to the Good Shepherd