A "No Answer"

In a previous post I shared a portion from a talk that Joni Eareckson Tada gave back in 2013. Today I want to share one more portion of that talk and then I'll share the link in the hopes that you will take the time to listen to her story from her own lips. She has much to say to us from her own trial and suffering.

"But while I was there alone, I was alone just with myself and with my Savior and tears streaming down my face, O Jesus, thank You, thank You for a no answer to a request for physical healing.  You really knew what You were doing so many years ago because a no answer to a request for physical healing has purged so much sin out of my life, so much selfishness and bitterness, and I know I’ve got a long way to go, but every day I want to wake up and I want to be a different Joni than I was yesterday, I want to be a Joni that You created, that You’ve destined me to be."

"You really knew what You were doing..." It doesn't happen right away, but given time I hope that all of us who have been or are going through a trial in our lives will come to the point where we can say the same thing and really mean it. I'm not completely there yet. I'm sure Joni did not come to this realization immediately. It was probably a painful journey both emotionally and physically.

None of us want a "no answer" and yet, over and over again as I read different stories, even though God answers "no", He is still there. He is still in control. He still loves. He still gives abundant life. He still has a purpose and a plan. He still gives guidance.

Through my own experience of dealing with my husband's trauma and the difficult years that have followed, I have seen and experienced God's presence, His guidance, His peace, His purging, His pruning. Yes, it's been painful. Yes, I don't understand why my husband hasn't been healed and now lives over 2 hours away from me. Yes, I wish it were different. But at the same time, I don't want to go back to the person I was 4 years ago. God has done a great work in my heart, mind, and emotions. I have learned so much about Him that I probably never would have otherwise.

If you are at the beginning of a traumatic event, give yourself grace and time. Let God minister to you. He is there and desires to hold you. Don't try to go it alone. We were not made for that.

If you are further along your journey, don't give up. God is still there. Wounds take time to heal and thankfully God doesn't prune everything at once. It may feel like it to us, but try to sit quietly at His feet and ask Him what He wants to say to you. Try just one minute of complete silence. Ask Him to help you discern His voice.

You may be wondering "Where's the bright spot in this?"

God's "no answer" in my life has shown me that many of the things I thought I needed or wanted aren't necessary. Even though He had to pry some things out of my hands, God is my bright spot. I've learned that He is not only my Savior and Lord, but my Sustainer, my Rock, my Shield, my Defender, the "lifter of my head" and so much more. He never leaves me.

There is so much peace and freedom in simply being content to sit at the Master's feet and receive whatever He desires to give. I have learned that He is faithful and trustworthy and I don't have to understand everything. I only have to stay close to Him and He will lift my head.

Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,

my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Tip: Let God lift your head so that you can see The Son.

To hear Joni's entire talk, visit https://www.gty.org/resources/sermons/TM13-2/a-deeper-healing.

Trauma Doesn’t Knock

In my experience, trauma doesn’t knock on the door and ask permission to come in. It barges in unaware and catches us off guard and unprepared. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a phone call in the middle of the night, police or military officers at the front door, a sudden illness, or an accident, if permission to invade our lives had been requested we would have said a resounding “No!” Trauma is not something we put on our calendars or wish lists. Yet, it arrives anyway.

Trauma came to my husband and me over four years ago in the form of an accident that left him with disabling traumatic brain injury. I was not involved in the accident, but trauma came to me in a different form and wasn’t full blown until months later. Google defines trauma as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience”. Our entire way of life changed in an instant. I was not prepared.

As his caregiver, I muddled my way through the unfamiliar road of tragedy with wonderful support from family, friends, and our church families.  My greatest source of strength was and is the Lord Jesus Christ. I am absolutely certain that I would have had a nervous breakdown had it not been for my Savior carrying me through those extremely trying days, months, and years.

I’ve learned a lot in the past 4 years and am still learning, but have jotted down a few ideas that either did help me or would have helped me during that time. I share them now with you in the hopes that if you find yourself face to face with an unexpected trauma, you will be more prepared than I was when it disrupted our lives.

When trauma hits:

1.  The most important advice I can give is to cry out to God for help first. If you do not know Jesus, I suggest that you locate a Bible and be open to hearing what He has to say to you. The book of John is a good place to start. I know for a fact that His promises are true for He has strengthened me and been with me no matter what has happened. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

2.  Call family and friends. Allow them to help you, to drive you to and from the hospital, buy you lunch, maybe you have children, elderly parents, or pets that they can assist in some way. Lots of people want to help, but don’t know how unless you tell them. Whatever you need – don’t be afraid to ask.

3. Get a notebook (or 2) with different sections and start writing down the following items as soon as possible. Try to enter information daily. Date each entry. Continue even after you go home. I wish I had.

Ø People – Write the names of nurses, doctors, therapists, CNAs, Med techs, receptionists, EMTs, law officers, case workers, insurance reps, visitors, maintenance & housekeeping personnel, etc. Ask for business cards. It may be a long haul and getting to know those working in the hospital makes life more pleasant for all. (They will likely become your bright spots.)

Ø Medication – Make columns as follows: Date, prescribing doctor, name of medication, what it’s for, dosage (mg & frequency), date started, date stopped.

Ø  Questions – Jot down questions to ask the doctor, nurse, therapists, etc. before you forget so that you are ready when they pass through. If you want to see x-rays, MRIs, CT scans, ask. Have them explained. There is no dumb question. (In my experience, it was the nurses who were the greatest source of information. They really knew what was going on with my husband - get to know them, show interest in them and be grateful for all they do. Kindness goes a long way.)

Ø  Journal – Record brief highlights of the day both for the patient and the caregiver. How are you/they doing physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? What are each of you feeling? What progress was made? What joy?

Ø  To-do list – List things to do on the way home from the hospital, things that need to be done at home or at church, make a grocery list, include items needed for your loved one and yourself. Who do you need to call? Also list things for you to do to unwind and relax (i.e. read, nap, garden, watch a movie, walk, long soak in a warm bubble bath, lunch with a friend, etc.)

Same notebook or make a second one:

v Scripture - Read a Bible verse or several every day. Make a note of something that encouraged or challenged you.

v Thankfulness – Find at least one thing to be thankful for every day.

v Prayer – Have a section for your own requests, one for your loved one (the patient), and one for others. You’ll meet lots of hurting people. Praying for others lightens the weight of our own trauma and pain.

v Food, Drink & Exercise – This might surprise you, but it’s important. Ask yourself if you (& the patient, if possible) have drunk enough water. What did you eat today? Be sensible. In order to be a strong caregiver, you must eat well and stay hydrated, plus walk around as you are able. My husband was on the 6^th floor for a while so at least once a day I walked up and down the 100+ steps up to his room. Good cardio.

4.   Set up a blog or CaringBridge site – If this sounds like too much, just set up a group email list or ask a friend to create one of the above for you. Come up with some way to keep family and friends informed so that you do not have to repeat yourself umpteen times. There will always be a few people that you’ll want to share with personally, but it can be exhausting to relay the same information over and over and over. The added benefit is that you will have a record of the major events during this time. A friend set up CaringBridge for me the second day we were in the hospital. About nine months later I switched to a blog. If you are sitting in the hospital for long hours, bring your laptop or tablet, it is a good way to pass the time and keep others informed.

No one wants to go through a traumatic event. No one. However the reality is that lots of us do. I hope these suggestions will prove beneficial if you find yourself invaded by trauma. My desire is to use our experience to help others. How can I help you?

Tip: Remember - You don't have to be alone. God's invitation is awaiting a response.