Regular Life

I realized today that I've made this new venture of writing way too serious and complicated for myself. I've felt like I had to have something profound before I could write and therefore have strangled any creativity or impulse to write. My "regular life" takes over and writing gets pushed further and further down on the priority list and recently hasn't been happening at all.

Tonight my parents and I were eating supper and I told Dad that we had bought Heath Klondike bars for a special dessert. Then Mom begins to tell Dad about the unusual conversation we had in the ice cream aisle with two other customers and it hit me. This is regular life, it was funny, and would be fun to write. I hope you enjoy today's "regular life" story:

Today was a town day. Time for Mom to get her hair done, go to the bank, the post office, the hardware, etc. and then get groceries. We live seven miles outside of town so try to do it all at once. Since we were going straight home from the grocery store, Mom wanted to get some fun ice cream. Something other than plain old vanilla, because Dad was disappointed to find that was all we had at home. As we navigated down the frozen dessert section, my eyes landed on the Klondike bars. Dad had really enjoyed those in the summer so I pointed them out to Mom and asked what she thought about getting a package.

Just past my Mom was a tall gentleman in a green stocking cap with flaps over the ears who overheard my question. He immediately shot between my Mom and I and said "Do you like those? Are they good?" He proceeds to open the freezer door and take out two packages. 

"Yes, they are very good. Very rich" I said.
"Wouldn't be good for someone with diabetes, huh?" 
"Not really", I said "but my Dad likes them and he's diabetic. He does take medication for it though."
"Yea, diabetes will mess you up. Sugar too high is not good, sugar too low is not good. That diabetes can kill you" he says, as he stands there blocking the Klondike section with the door open. 

Then across the aisle, a lady pipes in "Cancer will kill you too!" 
"It sure will. There's lots of things that will kill you." We agree. Then there is more discussion about stuff that will kill you and my Mom and I realize we have lost total control of the freezer aisle and any hope of getting Klondike bars at the moment. 

The Gentleman then looks at the packages in his hand and asks which flavor I like the best. Heath. He holds two Heath packages in his hand, looks at them then at the freezer case, deliberates for a bit, while continuing to ask if they are good. He moves to the side just far enough for my Mom to reach in and grab a Heath package. He watches what she gets and then asks her if she has diabetes. 

Mom - "No, I can eat them." He then looks at me and says "Are y'all together?" Yes, we are. "Are you related?" Yes. "She your mother?" Yes. I laugh at this unexpected camaraderie in the middle of the freezer section and wonder how to kindly move on, my stomach is grumbling. Then he makes his decision, "Alright, I'm going to try the Heath ones." Great! I hope you like them, I say. And down the aisle he goes. Mom and I look at each other and smile as she chooses a 2nd package.

It was such a funny little encounter that brought a spot of laughter to the mundane errand of getting groceries on a regular-life day in town.  It still makes me smile. 

The Bible says that whatever we do we should do it as unto the Lord. 

Colossians 3:17 (ESV)

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything

in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Spending a few moments discussing ice cream flavors and what will kill you may not be very important and may take a few extra moments, but hopefully it brightened this gentleman's day as much as it did mine and that he's at home enjoying those Klondike bars.

A "No Answer"

In a previous post I shared a portion from a talk that Joni Eareckson Tada gave back in 2013. Today I want to share one more portion of that talk and then I'll share the link in the hopes that you will take the time to listen to her story from her own lips. She has much to say to us from her own trial and suffering.

"But while I was there alone, I was alone just with myself and with my Savior and tears streaming down my face, O Jesus, thank You, thank You for a no answer to a request for physical healing.  You really knew what You were doing so many years ago because a no answer to a request for physical healing has purged so much sin out of my life, so much selfishness and bitterness, and I know I’ve got a long way to go, but every day I want to wake up and I want to be a different Joni than I was yesterday, I want to be a Joni that You created, that You’ve destined me to be."

"You really knew what You were doing..." It doesn't happen right away, but given time I hope that all of us who have been or are going through a trial in our lives will come to the point where we can say the same thing and really mean it. I'm not completely there yet. I'm sure Joni did not come to this realization immediately. It was probably a painful journey both emotionally and physically.

None of us want a "no answer" and yet, over and over again as I read different stories, even though God answers "no", He is still there. He is still in control. He still loves. He still gives abundant life. He still has a purpose and a plan. He still gives guidance.

Through my own experience of dealing with my husband's trauma and the difficult years that have followed, I have seen and experienced God's presence, His guidance, His peace, His purging, His pruning. Yes, it's been painful. Yes, I don't understand why my husband hasn't been healed and now lives over 2 hours away from me. Yes, I wish it were different. But at the same time, I don't want to go back to the person I was 4 years ago. God has done a great work in my heart, mind, and emotions. I have learned so much about Him that I probably never would have otherwise.

If you are at the beginning of a traumatic event, give yourself grace and time. Let God minister to you. He is there and desires to hold you. Don't try to go it alone. We were not made for that.

If you are further along your journey, don't give up. God is still there. Wounds take time to heal and thankfully God doesn't prune everything at once. It may feel like it to us, but try to sit quietly at His feet and ask Him what He wants to say to you. Try just one minute of complete silence. Ask Him to help you discern His voice.

You may be wondering "Where's the bright spot in this?"

God's "no answer" in my life has shown me that many of the things I thought I needed or wanted aren't necessary. Even though He had to pry some things out of my hands, God is my bright spot. I've learned that He is not only my Savior and Lord, but my Sustainer, my Rock, my Shield, my Defender, the "lifter of my head" and so much more. He never leaves me.

There is so much peace and freedom in simply being content to sit at the Master's feet and receive whatever He desires to give. I have learned that He is faithful and trustworthy and I don't have to understand everything. I only have to stay close to Him and He will lift my head.

Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,

my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Tip: Let God lift your head so that you can see The Son.

To hear Joni's entire talk, visit https://www.gty.org/resources/sermons/TM13-2/a-deeper-healing.

Sweet Moments

Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)

A joyful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Nursing homes and memory care centers can be very sad places, but often there are sweet or funny moments that capture my attention while I am visiting my husband. Since Mike has been there over a year now, there have been several sweet moments, tense moments, funny moments, and sad or disturbing moments. I don’t know how the staff does it day in and day out. It is definitely a special calling and they need lots of patience plus our prayers.

One morning when I arrived, Mike was sitting at a round table with about 4 others. He was looking at a magazine, one lady was coloring and then there was another lady and a gentleman just sitting and occasionally chatting with each other. This is a memory care center so all of the residents have some type of memory issue. If you haven’t had the opportunity to be around someone with a memory issue, quite often they say exactly what they are thinking with no filters or embarrassment. 

The woman who was coloring was quite serious and focused on her picture. I told her she was doing a good job. She stopped, picked up her coloring sheet, examined it closely and declared that it was “VERY good!” Her statement made me laugh and I told her she was right, it was VERY good.

While the above scenario was playing out, the other two continued to chat in short bursts. Both are kindly and from time to time the woman would reach over and pat the man on the leg. Morning snack arrived and it was so sweet how they helped each other open the package and the joy on their faces as they shared their cereal bars with each other.

One woman always tells me how sweet my husband is and goes on and on about how he will do anything for her. I’ve never seen my husband interact with anyone, other than sit beside them, but she’s so joyful when she says it that I love to hear it. 

My all-time favorite interaction was with a woman who was riffling through Mike's clothes in his wardrobe. I asked what she was doing and she said she was getting the women's clothes. I told her I had just organized them and that they were all my husband's clothes. She pulled out one of his OSU t-shirts and said "See?!" About that time a staff member came in, asked what she was doing, and told her they had staff to do that. Her response was priceless "I thought I was staff!"

I've danced in the hallway and sung songs in the Gazebo with some residents, patted hands, given hugs, and gone along with whatever disjointed conversation someone wants to have with me. It not only brings a smile to their face, but to mine also.

Although there is much sadness around me when I visit my husband, I try to focus on the positives and look for the sweet moments and joy that can be found. If my husband smiles during my visit, I count it all joy. If he can talk with me instead of just repeat the same thing over and over, I give thanks to God.

No matter our situation, there is always joy to be found. When we look for and focus on joy, our burden is lighter and there is peace in our hearts.

Tip: A joyful heart is good medicine for us, those we love, and those we encounter!

Showers of Blessing

Ezekiel 34:26

And I will make them and the places

all around my hill a blessing

and I will send down the showers in their season;

they shall be showers of blessing. 

I started writing this post 3 rains ago, but today is a rainy day so a good day to send it out. The day I took these photos, was a couple of months back when we were receiving regular rains and everything was growing beautifully and staying green.

The last couple of months have seen precious little rain; therefore the rain today is a welcome release. It has been so hot, humid, dry and dusty that everything was turning brown and shriveled. The skies are grey and the showers are falling to the delight of all the remaining flowers, vegetables, fruits, grass, pumpkins, and farm crops. 

Personally, I like rainy days. I even pray for rainy days. It means a reprieve from working in the heat. It gives me a chance to catch up on indoor chores and desk work or to bake a treat or read a book.  I even enjoy taking a short walk if it isn't a downpour. It’s been so hot and dusty that the cool air and moisture are a relief to my senses. Another benefit is I received a free car wash, plus now the dust won’t swirl so much when driving in and out of the lane so it might stay a bit cleaner. 

Rain. Yes, it darkens the sky, but it replenishes the ground water giving us plenty of water to drink and use for other purposes. Rain is a gift, a bright spot.

I realize not everyone feels this way, but since I grew up on a farm, it was usually viewed that way by us. It was a necessity to our way of life. If all days were sunny, we’d all be in serious trouble. All living things must have water to survive. My husband didn't care for rainy days. Of course he knew we needed them, but they were like a trial to him. Rain was something to be endured, but it kept him from being outside as much as he'd prefer. I've known others who become depressed on rainy days or who speak of rain as a negative thing.

Back in the 1800's Daniel Whittle wrote the hymn There Shall Be Showers of Blessing. I find it very interesting to read the stories behind hymns or the authors who wrote them. When Whittle went off to war his devout Christian mother tucked a New Testament into his haversack and sent him off with many a prayer. He saw horrendous things and during one battle was knocked out. When he awoke, one arm had been amputated above the elbow. As he recovered, he had a desire to read and reaching into his pack pulled out the New Testament and proceeded to read it from cover to cover twice.

He still had no thought of becoming a Christian, although he now knew the way to salvation. Late one night a nurse woke him and asked him to pray for a soldier that was dying and begging for prayer. The nurse had seen him reading his Bible and believed he could help the young soldier. At first Whittle refused saying he'd never prayed in his life and was just as wicked as the nurse. The nurse persisted; however, until Whittle relented and went to the dying man.

The dying man asked Whittle to pray for him, to ask God to forgive him and Christ to save him. Daniel Whittle felt God speaking to him telling him he knew the way and to get on his knees, confess his own sin, and to pray for this dying soldier. Daniel did just that and believed that he had become Christ's child right then. When he got up from his knees the soldier had died with a peaceful look on his face. 

After the war he moved to Chicago and became acquainted with D.L. Moody. He became an evangelist and hymn writer. Showers of Blessing was inspired from the passage in Ezekiel. Through the trial or rainy season in his life when he couldn't be out and active as he probably wanted to, he found salvation through the reading of the Bible, plus brought salvation to another. Just as rain refreshes and replenishes the earth and has a purpose, so rainy seasons in our lives have a purpose and can cause much growth and harvest if we will yield to the Father. 



(Whittle story - http://digging-history.com/2014/04/06/hymnspiration-there-shall-be-showers-of-blessing/)

Ladies Gathering

I've always been a behind-the-scenes type of person, but have learned that sometimes I have to be the one to make something happen. Recently I became aware of a more grumbly and complaining spirit in myself. I didn't like it and realized that I needed friends.

After my husband was moved to a long-term care facility, I moved back in with my parents to help them. I guess I'm still considered a caregiver, but it's very different from the caregiving I did for my husband. Whereas he needed help with all of his ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) plus 24/7 supervision, my role now is mainly one of a helper which allows my parents to remain in their own home and continue to do many of the things they have done for years and years. I am the chauffeur, the garden and project assistant to my Dad, the errand runner, and the meal and house aide to my Mom, etc.

My parents are wonderful people and it is a true blessing to be able to help them during their aging years. At the same time, it has been a challenge after 30+ years out on my own. Due to my husband's TBI, we left behind our life in North Carolina, our home, our friends, our church family. It was a sudden and huge adjustment. I'm still adjusting.

If you are a caregiver or your spouse is in a long-term facility (like mine), it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine and become isolated. We can tend to have a laser focus on ourselves and those under our care. We find that we never go anywhere for fun and are not making the time to connect with other people. That's when the grumbling and complaining spirit emerges. We must realize that it is important to find people we can spend time with just for fun in an environment where we are comfortable.

This past weekend was a real bright spot for me. I stole an idea from a friend and held a Ladies Gathering here at my parent's home. It was simple, informal, and relaxing. We enjoyed a light breakfast of homemade Morning Glory muffins (yum!), fruit, coffee, tea and juice, then sat and just talked. No agenda, no program, no meeting, no politics, no pressure, no negativity.

It came about after talking with other women in the community and finding out I wasn't the only one who felt isolated at times and just wanted to have other ladies to talk with and get to know. Our days are full and most events have some sort of agenda or program and thus we never really get to talk with people and learn about them. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.

I invited ladies from the community, from church, and old school friends. It was a small gathering this first time due to several conflicts, but that's OK. It's not about the numbers, it's about enjoying whoever is here. I hope to have a gathering once a month and it may be a different group every month. That's fine too, it will have a different dynamic each time. I think that will be part of the fun! I really enjoyed the couple of hours we few ladies had together and I believe the other ladies did as well.

This gathering was a safe and comfortable way for me to reach out to others and help myself also. It's easy to think we are the only ones who feel lonely and that everyone else is too busy. That is not true. There is probably someone nearby who needs a friend as much as you do. It's just a matter of who is going to take a risk and reach out first.

Romans 12:10a

"Love one another with brotherly affection." 

Tip: Keep it simple and reach out.

My Shepherd's Voice

After my husband’s accident that left him with traumatic brain injury (TBI), I took care of him off and on for four years. I say “off and on” because he was in a hospital plus rehab for about 3 months, then home, he spent 6 months at a brain injury facility, then home, 2 stays in a psychiatric hospital, then home, 9 months in a state hospital and then to an assisted living/memory care facility where he resides now. 

When he was at home, I was on call 24/7. I had very supportive family that did what they could, but basically he was my responsibility. If you are a full-time caregiver for someone who needs help with all of their ADLs, (Activities of Daily Living – bathing, toileting, eating, transferring, etc.) you understand what that means.  While my husband, Mike, could eat and walk, the damage to his brain caused him to gorge on his food which could cause choking and overeating. He was also prone to escaping out the door and heading toward the highway when I was busy elsewhere. The slightest thing could cause anxiety and uncontrollable behavior. I lived in a state of hyper-vigilance. 

Many people were praying for his healing and my strength and perseverance. Our Pastor and the deacons laid hands on Mike, anointed him with oil and prayed over him. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for Mike’s healing. God did bring about a lot of healing. Mike learned to walk again, to feed himself and swallow properly; however, at this point God has said no to a complete healing. 

Over the years, at the suggestion of different people, I’ve tried everything from large amounts of fish oil, to the use of essential oils, praying and playing CDs of healing scripture, plus alternative treatments. We moved in with my parents, then my brother and still nothing changed. I was tired and often at my wits end, but still trusting that God had a plan for us and God continued to sustain me. 

At the end of 2015, while Mike was having an alternative treatment session, I had a strong impression that said “This is who Mike is now.” I took a couple of months to ponder the statement and seek the Lord to be sure it was His voice before cancelling further treatment and stopping the almost 4 years of striving to make him better. The Lord gave me peace and calmness in just letting Mike live his new normal. He gave me peace in knowing that it was time to allow Mike to settle into life and routine at the memory care facility. 

Recently, a family friend stopped by and inquired about Mike. He told me that his family and church are praying for Mike’s healing. He then told me about a healer that comes to town occasionally and asked if I would consider taking Mike to him. All sorts of thoughts and questions ran through my mind, but I did not completely dismiss the idea. 

After he left, I felt unsettled in my spirit and discussed the conversation with family members. Later that week, I went to see my counselor. We talked about how God can use people to touch and heal, how God can heal without using people, and how it may not be God’s will to heal. Sometimes God has a different plan and desire from our own and He knows what will bring the most glory to Himself and how He plans to use the situation for His greater good which we may never know or fully understand.  We talked about how much peace I was given when I accepted the statement “This is who Mike is now.” We talked about knowing God’s voice and being obedient to it. 

I have never really been a confident person. I struggle with making decisions, like to have other people’s input and am prone to second guess my decisions. I am a peacemaker, don’t like conflict and want everyone to be happy. So when others give me suggestions and they are very sure and confident that it will work, I feel pressured and don’t want to let them down. Add into the mix that a lot of my decisions over the last four years have been for my husband and not for me, and it becomes doubly difficult. What would Mike do? Would he be comfortable with this? That’s when I have to rely on the still small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to me about our situation and what God wants for us.

The morning after my counseling session, during my morning time with the Lord, I read the following:

John 10:3-4

“He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.”

John 10:14

“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me…”

We are His sheep.

I sat quietly and asked the Lord to tell me what I needed to hear from those verses. What I sensed was that He wanted me to take His words to heart. I am His sheep. He calls me by name. He goes ahead of me. I follow Him because I know His voice. He is the good shepherd. He knows me and I know Him.  

For the first time, I finally got it. Jesus talks to me in my situation. I know it is His voice because He is my shepherd. This is an actual promise from Jesus to me. He says I will know His voice because I am His sheep. When I second guess, I’m actually second guessing Him. I know I am following Him, so I can be confident that I’m hearing His voice. When He told me “Mike is who he is”, I had great peace. A greater peace than had been mine for a very long time.

So when someone who does not know the entire story, but sees that Mike is still not in his right mind and believes God wants him to be healed by a healer, I can thank them kindly, but not start second guessing again. That is not from my Shepherd. He gives peace and if at some point He decides to heal Mike, then He will miraculously do so or He will let me know what to do. I will know it is from Him because it will come with peace and not turmoil. I am His sheep. I know His voice. What a revelation! I can be confident! I can know without a shadow of a doubt!  Thank you, Jesus! 

I share this story with you, in the hopes that as you are approached by well-meaning individuals, that you will pause, seek the Lord in prayer and by reading His word to find out what His will is for you and your loved one. Never feel pressured to do something that disturbs your spirit. If unsure, seek Godly counsel.

TIP: Listen to the Good Shepherd

Trauma Doesn’t Knock

In my experience, trauma doesn’t knock on the door and ask permission to come in. It barges in unaware and catches us off guard and unprepared. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a phone call in the middle of the night, police or military officers at the front door, a sudden illness, or an accident, if permission to invade our lives had been requested we would have said a resounding “No!” Trauma is not something we put on our calendars or wish lists. Yet, it arrives anyway.

Trauma came to my husband and me over four years ago in the form of an accident that left him with disabling traumatic brain injury. I was not involved in the accident, but trauma came to me in a different form and wasn’t full blown until months later. Google defines trauma as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience”. Our entire way of life changed in an instant. I was not prepared.

As his caregiver, I muddled my way through the unfamiliar road of tragedy with wonderful support from family, friends, and our church families.  My greatest source of strength was and is the Lord Jesus Christ. I am absolutely certain that I would have had a nervous breakdown had it not been for my Savior carrying me through those extremely trying days, months, and years.

I’ve learned a lot in the past 4 years and am still learning, but have jotted down a few ideas that either did help me or would have helped me during that time. I share them now with you in the hopes that if you find yourself face to face with an unexpected trauma, you will be more prepared than I was when it disrupted our lives.

When trauma hits:

1.  The most important advice I can give is to cry out to God for help first. If you do not know Jesus, I suggest that you locate a Bible and be open to hearing what He has to say to you. The book of John is a good place to start. I know for a fact that His promises are true for He has strengthened me and been with me no matter what has happened. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

2.  Call family and friends. Allow them to help you, to drive you to and from the hospital, buy you lunch, maybe you have children, elderly parents, or pets that they can assist in some way. Lots of people want to help, but don’t know how unless you tell them. Whatever you need – don’t be afraid to ask.

3. Get a notebook (or 2) with different sections and start writing down the following items as soon as possible. Try to enter information daily. Date each entry. Continue even after you go home. I wish I had.

Ø People – Write the names of nurses, doctors, therapists, CNAs, Med techs, receptionists, EMTs, law officers, case workers, insurance reps, visitors, maintenance & housekeeping personnel, etc. Ask for business cards. It may be a long haul and getting to know those working in the hospital makes life more pleasant for all. (They will likely become your bright spots.)

Ø Medication – Make columns as follows: Date, prescribing doctor, name of medication, what it’s for, dosage (mg & frequency), date started, date stopped.

Ø  Questions – Jot down questions to ask the doctor, nurse, therapists, etc. before you forget so that you are ready when they pass through. If you want to see x-rays, MRIs, CT scans, ask. Have them explained. There is no dumb question. (In my experience, it was the nurses who were the greatest source of information. They really knew what was going on with my husband - get to know them, show interest in them and be grateful for all they do. Kindness goes a long way.)

Ø  Journal – Record brief highlights of the day both for the patient and the caregiver. How are you/they doing physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? What are each of you feeling? What progress was made? What joy?

Ø  To-do list – List things to do on the way home from the hospital, things that need to be done at home or at church, make a grocery list, include items needed for your loved one and yourself. Who do you need to call? Also list things for you to do to unwind and relax (i.e. read, nap, garden, watch a movie, walk, long soak in a warm bubble bath, lunch with a friend, etc.)

Same notebook or make a second one:

v Scripture - Read a Bible verse or several every day. Make a note of something that encouraged or challenged you.

v Thankfulness – Find at least one thing to be thankful for every day.

v Prayer – Have a section for your own requests, one for your loved one (the patient), and one for others. You’ll meet lots of hurting people. Praying for others lightens the weight of our own trauma and pain.

v Food, Drink & Exercise – This might surprise you, but it’s important. Ask yourself if you (& the patient, if possible) have drunk enough water. What did you eat today? Be sensible. In order to be a strong caregiver, you must eat well and stay hydrated, plus walk around as you are able. My husband was on the 6^th floor for a while so at least once a day I walked up and down the 100+ steps up to his room. Good cardio.

4.   Set up a blog or CaringBridge site – If this sounds like too much, just set up a group email list or ask a friend to create one of the above for you. Come up with some way to keep family and friends informed so that you do not have to repeat yourself umpteen times. There will always be a few people that you’ll want to share with personally, but it can be exhausting to relay the same information over and over and over. The added benefit is that you will have a record of the major events during this time. A friend set up CaringBridge for me the second day we were in the hospital. About nine months later I switched to a blog. If you are sitting in the hospital for long hours, bring your laptop or tablet, it is a good way to pass the time and keep others informed.

No one wants to go through a traumatic event. No one. However the reality is that lots of us do. I hope these suggestions will prove beneficial if you find yourself invaded by trauma. My desire is to use our experience to help others. How can I help you?

Tip: Remember - You don't have to be alone. God's invitation is awaiting a response. 

Reluctant to Leave

Psalm 23:1-3

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.

This past May, I had the immense pleasure of going to a Christian writers conference, plus spending a couple of days all by myself at my sister’s home which is like a mountain get-away, a retreat, a sanctuary. The calmness, quietness, peace, stillness, beauty of nature, sounds of birds, and the wind in the trees were a soothing balm to my soul. I was able to sing aloud in praise to God while standing on the deck overlooking the green/blue mountain ranges in the distance. I studied God’s word while sitting in a comfy rocking chair on the front porch which overlooks colorful flowers and a rich array of greens on the trees. When I needed a break, an invigorating walk down and slowly back up the mountain was just what I needed to energize my mind and body. What a joy to see the wild flowers along the road which gave me a chance to stop, admire, and catch my breath.

Mountain top escapes are wonderful and absolutely necessary at certain times in our lives. From this vantage point, we can see a bigger picture, refresh our mind, body and spirit, hear from God and prepare to return to the valley. I was reluctant to leave that place of sanctuary and peace, yet the work that God has for me to do was waiting. Instead of dragging my feet and wanting to hold on to that experience, I had to turn my thoughts to gratefulness for the hours I had there, to thankfulness that I had meaningful duties to return to, and to awareness that I could leave with a stronger sense of God’s presence with me. I returned with my armor repaired and polished to do battle in the world of busyness and constant vigilance, a world with many demands from different sources. I’ll take what I learned and hope to be a blessing to those I encounter, remembering that I am the only one who can fulfill what God has called me to do. I will strive to pour myself out more fully now that I have been refilled myself, desiring that my life reflect Jesus in all I say, write, and do,

Every tank becomes empty at some point and cannot continue without a fill-up. Even Jesus had times when he removed himself from the crowds and responsibilities and retreated to a quiet place. In Mark 1:35 we read that Jesus rose early in the morning and “went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” The connection to our heavenly Father is of vital importance in keeping our tank full. Luke 5:16 says that Jesus “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed”.

As a caregiver, it is hard not to feel guilty about taking some much-needed time alone to be refilled. However, we must ask for help, accept volunteers, farm out small tasks, and when at all possible, get away. We need some time to sleep when we want, eat what and when we want, dig into God’s word, pray, spend time with friends, laugh, sing, read a book, go to a movie, plant flowers, whatever brings joy and refreshes our souls. 

It's OK, really! We need it and those we care for will benefit from our break as well. They probably need a break from us too. Then when we return, we can let the light of Christ shine from our faces as we embrace and care for our loved ones once again.

Tip: Forget the to-do list. Go for a fill up.

Blessed to be a Caregiver

I am blessed to be a caregiver. OK, it doesn't always feel like a blessing, but feelings are fickle things. One of my passions is being able to help others and the Lord keeps giving me people who need care and who enrich my life.

I believe my caregiving days started way back when I was a child. I grew up in a big farm house with my parents, siblings, and grandmother. I loved spending time with Grandma and would brush her false teeth for her when she took them out at night.  This totally grossed out one of my sisters, but it didn’t bother me in the least. 

I especially enjoy helping the elderly. Yes, it can be tiring when you have to repeat yourself or talk loudly and they may be very set in their ways, but when they tell stories from their childhood, give you a smile or a hug, or blurt out whatever is on their mind, it’s all worth it.

I’ll never forget the day, when I had my own business, that one of my elderly clients met my high-school aged son for the first time. During cross-country season my son had a Mohawk and wore these trendy running shoes that wrapped around each toe individually. My client slowly looked him up and down and solemnly said “You’re right funny looking.” There was a brief pause and then we all burst out laughing!

What I’ve discovered about caregiving is that it’s not all about what we can do physically for the individual, but the relationship we can have with them. Building a sense of camaraderie and friendship helps the slower days of old age or illness pass more pleasantly. We may be the only person they talk with all day or all week. We can give them something different to think (or laugh) about as we share our lives with them. The added benefit is that our own lives are enhanced. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV)

Therefore encourage one another and 

build one another up, just as you are doing.

As a caregiver, we are in a unique position to encourage and build people up. We can make them feel important and genuinely loved as we ask about their history and truly listen to them. Even if our client or loved one cannot respond verbally, we can still make a world of difference by treating them with love, respect, and gentleness. 

Caregiving can be an extremely difficult and thankless job, but if God has called you to be a caregiver, He will provide the strength and perseverance needed. If you are like me, your desire is to use the gifts that God has given you in whatever place you find yourself. It could be as a paid caregiver, an adult child taking care of aging parents, or a mom taking care of her small children. Whatever the case, I hope we continually realize the huge impact we have and the differences for good that we can make in the lives of those under our care. We never know when we may be in need of similar care and hope that we’ll be treated the same way. Regardless, we can know that the Lord sees and knows.

Tip: Go! Brighten someone's day.