Embracing His Call

I’ve been struggling personally with what exactly is my call and purpose in this life and being at peace with it. It seems mine is quite different from most of my family and those around me and I have a hard time being OK with that. The whole “walk to the beat of a different drummer” type scenario.

Little by little, God has been revealing His purpose to me and helping me to embrace my calling. As I look back on my life, I see where it has been my call for a very long time, just in slightly different forms. Not long ago, I believe God gave me a name for my life’s purpose. My purpose on this earth is to pour into other people. This takes the form of telling them of Jesus Christ, showing love, helping them physically, being a listening ear, a companion and friend, a prayer warrior, and sharing from my heart through the written word.

Currently in my time with the Lord, I am parked in and absorbed with Ephesians. There is so much to take in and to try to understand. This morning as I was reading in Ephesians 2, verse 10 caught my attention:

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,

which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

The cross reference in Ephesians 4:1-3 spoke to my questioning and struggling heart:

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I have been called to walk in a manner worthy of that calling. Not doing anything that would offend Christ, only seeking to do what would please Him according to His word. As I read those verses this morning, I had the distinct realization that it was also talking to my particular calling in life. I was created in Christ Jesus to do good works. Works that God had decided for me. A path that He had specifically prepared for me to walk - my personal calling. I am to walk the path of my calling with humility, gentleness, patience, and love. As I walk, I am to exhibit the fruits of His Spirit working in me to create unity and peace. Not comparing my call to someone else’s call, but wholeheartedly embracing my call and walking in it.

Sometimes our call may seem “forced” on us and we find ourselves “kicking against the goads”*. The urge or prodding is there, but we resist. The prodding doesn’t go away, it actually intensifies or we feel miserable because we are not being obedient to it. I know I have been kicking against the writing part of my call. I feel inadequate, fearful, or wonder what I have to say that hasn’t already been said, etc.

From reading other writers’ blog posts and articles, this is a common thought pattern among writers; however, by far the most repeated bits of advice are “just write” and “it hasn’t been said by you”. Even if we’re unsure or don’t think it’s good. Keep writing. So, I’m going to once again try to obey the prodding and this time not get stuck in the perfectionist/fear mode which tends to leave my writings in my notebook or on the computer instead of getting posted. Good, bad, or blah posts are going to go out. Supposedly the more I write the better it will get. Like exercise or sports, I guess. Practice makes perfect…or at least better and if it means I’m walking in a manner worthy of my calling, then that’s the goal. To walk in a way that is pleasing to Christ my Savior and Lord. Ephesians says that God has already prepared the way beforehand, so I don’t even have to cut my own way through the brush. He’s already done that. I just need to follow.

Where do you sense God’s call on your life? Are you walking obediently and confidently down the path that God has prepared for you or are you “kicking against the goads”? Are you embracing your call? I’d love to hear your purpose and how God is working that out in your life. Feel free to leave a comment!

TIP: God’s call will never lead you in a way that goes against His word.

(*If you are not familiar with the phrase about goads, follow this link for a good explanation: http://www.jesus.org/early-church-history/the-apostle-paul/how-did-paul-kick-against-the-goads.html)

The Bracelet

Gifts are my love-language. I like to give them and receive them. Especially unexpected ones. Surprises. You know, the good kind.

Today I received a gift basket filled with small gifts. Some wrapped and some not. This was no generic gift basket. This was a gift basket lovingly filled by the hands of women from my church. Every year they prepare lovely gift baskets for those who are shut-in or evidently for those going through difficult times. I'm not really sure why I received one, but today was like Christmas for me as I pulled out each surprise. Homemade cookies in a pretty glass jar, assorted candy, oatmeal/coconut soap, beautiful hand-made cards in a lovely folder that matches, a key with the words "courage" and "strength" on each side, some toiletries and The Bracelet.

When I opened the small blue box and discovered The Bracelet, I knew who had put it there and two memories flashed across my mind. 

The first memory goes back to August of 2014. Mike was still at home with me at that time and we were sitting in church on the first Sunday of the month. He was having a good day and our Pastor asked Mike and I to help with communion. This was a big deal for Mike to be able to assist in this way and when we returned to our seat, tears were running down his cheek. When the service was over, one of our sweet members with tears in her eyes removed a bracelet from her arm and gave it to me. It said "With God, All Things Are Possible". I wore the bracelet for probably a year or so.

The second memory is also on a Sunday. During the preceding months, this same sweet woman and her husband were experiencing difficulties of their own. Sensing that she needed a word of encouragement, I handed the bracelet back to her. It is not a good luck charm or talisman. It is a visible reminder of God's word which gives hope and encouragement. A reminder to turn our thoughts away from the pain and sadness and think of God and His promises.

Luke 1:37 (ESV)

For nothing will be impossible with God.

So today when I opened the blue box and saw The Bracelet, I had to smile. I slipped it onto my wrist and cherish the promise that I read there. God is not confined by what I see and know. He sees vastly more than I can ever imagine and His power is limitless. Where I see impossible, He sees possible. I like His view much better. Plus the act of receiving and giving hope in the form of His message on a bracelet tells me I am not alone here either. 

Where have you seen God do the impossible? I'd love to hear your story. 

A "No Answer"

In a previous post I shared a portion from a talk that Joni Eareckson Tada gave back in 2013. Today I want to share one more portion of that talk and then I'll share the link in the hopes that you will take the time to listen to her story from her own lips. She has much to say to us from her own trial and suffering.

"But while I was there alone, I was alone just with myself and with my Savior and tears streaming down my face, O Jesus, thank You, thank You for a no answer to a request for physical healing.  You really knew what You were doing so many years ago because a no answer to a request for physical healing has purged so much sin out of my life, so much selfishness and bitterness, and I know I’ve got a long way to go, but every day I want to wake up and I want to be a different Joni than I was yesterday, I want to be a Joni that You created, that You’ve destined me to be."

"You really knew what You were doing..." It doesn't happen right away, but given time I hope that all of us who have been or are going through a trial in our lives will come to the point where we can say the same thing and really mean it. I'm not completely there yet. I'm sure Joni did not come to this realization immediately. It was probably a painful journey both emotionally and physically.

None of us want a "no answer" and yet, over and over again as I read different stories, even though God answers "no", He is still there. He is still in control. He still loves. He still gives abundant life. He still has a purpose and a plan. He still gives guidance.

Through my own experience of dealing with my husband's trauma and the difficult years that have followed, I have seen and experienced God's presence, His guidance, His peace, His purging, His pruning. Yes, it's been painful. Yes, I don't understand why my husband hasn't been healed and now lives over 2 hours away from me. Yes, I wish it were different. But at the same time, I don't want to go back to the person I was 4 years ago. God has done a great work in my heart, mind, and emotions. I have learned so much about Him that I probably never would have otherwise.

If you are at the beginning of a traumatic event, give yourself grace and time. Let God minister to you. He is there and desires to hold you. Don't try to go it alone. We were not made for that.

If you are further along your journey, don't give up. God is still there. Wounds take time to heal and thankfully God doesn't prune everything at once. It may feel like it to us, but try to sit quietly at His feet and ask Him what He wants to say to you. Try just one minute of complete silence. Ask Him to help you discern His voice.

You may be wondering "Where's the bright spot in this?"

God's "no answer" in my life has shown me that many of the things I thought I needed or wanted aren't necessary. Even though He had to pry some things out of my hands, God is my bright spot. I've learned that He is not only my Savior and Lord, but my Sustainer, my Rock, my Shield, my Defender, the "lifter of my head" and so much more. He never leaves me.

There is so much peace and freedom in simply being content to sit at the Master's feet and receive whatever He desires to give. I have learned that He is faithful and trustworthy and I don't have to understand everything. I only have to stay close to Him and He will lift my head.

Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,

my glory, and the lifter of my head.

Tip: Let God lift your head so that you can see The Son.

To hear Joni's entire talk, visit https://www.gty.org/resources/sermons/TM13-2/a-deeper-healing.

Sweet Moments

Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)

A joyful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Nursing homes and memory care centers can be very sad places, but often there are sweet or funny moments that capture my attention while I am visiting my husband. Since Mike has been there over a year now, there have been several sweet moments, tense moments, funny moments, and sad or disturbing moments. I don’t know how the staff does it day in and day out. It is definitely a special calling and they need lots of patience plus our prayers.

One morning when I arrived, Mike was sitting at a round table with about 4 others. He was looking at a magazine, one lady was coloring and then there was another lady and a gentleman just sitting and occasionally chatting with each other. This is a memory care center so all of the residents have some type of memory issue. If you haven’t had the opportunity to be around someone with a memory issue, quite often they say exactly what they are thinking with no filters or embarrassment. 

The woman who was coloring was quite serious and focused on her picture. I told her she was doing a good job. She stopped, picked up her coloring sheet, examined it closely and declared that it was “VERY good!” Her statement made me laugh and I told her she was right, it was VERY good.

While the above scenario was playing out, the other two continued to chat in short bursts. Both are kindly and from time to time the woman would reach over and pat the man on the leg. Morning snack arrived and it was so sweet how they helped each other open the package and the joy on their faces as they shared their cereal bars with each other.

One woman always tells me how sweet my husband is and goes on and on about how he will do anything for her. I’ve never seen my husband interact with anyone, other than sit beside them, but she’s so joyful when she says it that I love to hear it. 

My all-time favorite interaction was with a woman who was riffling through Mike's clothes in his wardrobe. I asked what she was doing and she said she was getting the women's clothes. I told her I had just organized them and that they were all my husband's clothes. She pulled out one of his OSU t-shirts and said "See?!" About that time a staff member came in, asked what she was doing, and told her they had staff to do that. Her response was priceless "I thought I was staff!"

I've danced in the hallway and sung songs in the Gazebo with some residents, patted hands, given hugs, and gone along with whatever disjointed conversation someone wants to have with me. It not only brings a smile to their face, but to mine also.

Although there is much sadness around me when I visit my husband, I try to focus on the positives and look for the sweet moments and joy that can be found. If my husband smiles during my visit, I count it all joy. If he can talk with me instead of just repeat the same thing over and over, I give thanks to God.

No matter our situation, there is always joy to be found. When we look for and focus on joy, our burden is lighter and there is peace in our hearts.

Tip: A joyful heart is good medicine for us, those we love, and those we encounter!

Showers of Blessing

Ezekiel 34:26

And I will make them and the places

all around my hill a blessing

and I will send down the showers in their season;

they shall be showers of blessing. 

I started writing this post 3 rains ago, but today is a rainy day so a good day to send it out. The day I took these photos, was a couple of months back when we were receiving regular rains and everything was growing beautifully and staying green.

The last couple of months have seen precious little rain; therefore the rain today is a welcome release. It has been so hot, humid, dry and dusty that everything was turning brown and shriveled. The skies are grey and the showers are falling to the delight of all the remaining flowers, vegetables, fruits, grass, pumpkins, and farm crops. 

Personally, I like rainy days. I even pray for rainy days. It means a reprieve from working in the heat. It gives me a chance to catch up on indoor chores and desk work or to bake a treat or read a book.  I even enjoy taking a short walk if it isn't a downpour. It’s been so hot and dusty that the cool air and moisture are a relief to my senses. Another benefit is I received a free car wash, plus now the dust won’t swirl so much when driving in and out of the lane so it might stay a bit cleaner. 

Rain. Yes, it darkens the sky, but it replenishes the ground water giving us plenty of water to drink and use for other purposes. Rain is a gift, a bright spot.

I realize not everyone feels this way, but since I grew up on a farm, it was usually viewed that way by us. It was a necessity to our way of life. If all days were sunny, we’d all be in serious trouble. All living things must have water to survive. My husband didn't care for rainy days. Of course he knew we needed them, but they were like a trial to him. Rain was something to be endured, but it kept him from being outside as much as he'd prefer. I've known others who become depressed on rainy days or who speak of rain as a negative thing.

Back in the 1800's Daniel Whittle wrote the hymn There Shall Be Showers of Blessing. I find it very interesting to read the stories behind hymns or the authors who wrote them. When Whittle went off to war his devout Christian mother tucked a New Testament into his haversack and sent him off with many a prayer. He saw horrendous things and during one battle was knocked out. When he awoke, one arm had been amputated above the elbow. As he recovered, he had a desire to read and reaching into his pack pulled out the New Testament and proceeded to read it from cover to cover twice.

He still had no thought of becoming a Christian, although he now knew the way to salvation. Late one night a nurse woke him and asked him to pray for a soldier that was dying and begging for prayer. The nurse had seen him reading his Bible and believed he could help the young soldier. At first Whittle refused saying he'd never prayed in his life and was just as wicked as the nurse. The nurse persisted; however, until Whittle relented and went to the dying man.

The dying man asked Whittle to pray for him, to ask God to forgive him and Christ to save him. Daniel Whittle felt God speaking to him telling him he knew the way and to get on his knees, confess his own sin, and to pray for this dying soldier. Daniel did just that and believed that he had become Christ's child right then. When he got up from his knees the soldier had died with a peaceful look on his face. 

After the war he moved to Chicago and became acquainted with D.L. Moody. He became an evangelist and hymn writer. Showers of Blessing was inspired from the passage in Ezekiel. Through the trial or rainy season in his life when he couldn't be out and active as he probably wanted to, he found salvation through the reading of the Bible, plus brought salvation to another. Just as rain refreshes and replenishes the earth and has a purpose, so rainy seasons in our lives have a purpose and can cause much growth and harvest if we will yield to the Father. 



(Whittle story - http://digging-history.com/2014/04/06/hymnspiration-there-shall-be-showers-of-blessing/)

Trauma Doesn’t Knock

In my experience, trauma doesn’t knock on the door and ask permission to come in. It barges in unaware and catches us off guard and unprepared. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a phone call in the middle of the night, police or military officers at the front door, a sudden illness, or an accident, if permission to invade our lives had been requested we would have said a resounding “No!” Trauma is not something we put on our calendars or wish lists. Yet, it arrives anyway.

Trauma came to my husband and me over four years ago in the form of an accident that left him with disabling traumatic brain injury. I was not involved in the accident, but trauma came to me in a different form and wasn’t full blown until months later. Google defines trauma as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience”. Our entire way of life changed in an instant. I was not prepared.

As his caregiver, I muddled my way through the unfamiliar road of tragedy with wonderful support from family, friends, and our church families.  My greatest source of strength was and is the Lord Jesus Christ. I am absolutely certain that I would have had a nervous breakdown had it not been for my Savior carrying me through those extremely trying days, months, and years.

I’ve learned a lot in the past 4 years and am still learning, but have jotted down a few ideas that either did help me or would have helped me during that time. I share them now with you in the hopes that if you find yourself face to face with an unexpected trauma, you will be more prepared than I was when it disrupted our lives.

When trauma hits:

1.  The most important advice I can give is to cry out to God for help first. If you do not know Jesus, I suggest that you locate a Bible and be open to hearing what He has to say to you. The book of John is a good place to start. I know for a fact that His promises are true for He has strengthened me and been with me no matter what has happened. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

2.  Call family and friends. Allow them to help you, to drive you to and from the hospital, buy you lunch, maybe you have children, elderly parents, or pets that they can assist in some way. Lots of people want to help, but don’t know how unless you tell them. Whatever you need – don’t be afraid to ask.

3. Get a notebook (or 2) with different sections and start writing down the following items as soon as possible. Try to enter information daily. Date each entry. Continue even after you go home. I wish I had.

Ø People – Write the names of nurses, doctors, therapists, CNAs, Med techs, receptionists, EMTs, law officers, case workers, insurance reps, visitors, maintenance & housekeeping personnel, etc. Ask for business cards. It may be a long haul and getting to know those working in the hospital makes life more pleasant for all. (They will likely become your bright spots.)

Ø Medication – Make columns as follows: Date, prescribing doctor, name of medication, what it’s for, dosage (mg & frequency), date started, date stopped.

Ø  Questions – Jot down questions to ask the doctor, nurse, therapists, etc. before you forget so that you are ready when they pass through. If you want to see x-rays, MRIs, CT scans, ask. Have them explained. There is no dumb question. (In my experience, it was the nurses who were the greatest source of information. They really knew what was going on with my husband - get to know them, show interest in them and be grateful for all they do. Kindness goes a long way.)

Ø  Journal – Record brief highlights of the day both for the patient and the caregiver. How are you/they doing physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? What are each of you feeling? What progress was made? What joy?

Ø  To-do list – List things to do on the way home from the hospital, things that need to be done at home or at church, make a grocery list, include items needed for your loved one and yourself. Who do you need to call? Also list things for you to do to unwind and relax (i.e. read, nap, garden, watch a movie, walk, long soak in a warm bubble bath, lunch with a friend, etc.)

Same notebook or make a second one:

v Scripture - Read a Bible verse or several every day. Make a note of something that encouraged or challenged you.

v Thankfulness – Find at least one thing to be thankful for every day.

v Prayer – Have a section for your own requests, one for your loved one (the patient), and one for others. You’ll meet lots of hurting people. Praying for others lightens the weight of our own trauma and pain.

v Food, Drink & Exercise – This might surprise you, but it’s important. Ask yourself if you (& the patient, if possible) have drunk enough water. What did you eat today? Be sensible. In order to be a strong caregiver, you must eat well and stay hydrated, plus walk around as you are able. My husband was on the 6^th floor for a while so at least once a day I walked up and down the 100+ steps up to his room. Good cardio.

4.   Set up a blog or CaringBridge site – If this sounds like too much, just set up a group email list or ask a friend to create one of the above for you. Come up with some way to keep family and friends informed so that you do not have to repeat yourself umpteen times. There will always be a few people that you’ll want to share with personally, but it can be exhausting to relay the same information over and over and over. The added benefit is that you will have a record of the major events during this time. A friend set up CaringBridge for me the second day we were in the hospital. About nine months later I switched to a blog. If you are sitting in the hospital for long hours, bring your laptop or tablet, it is a good way to pass the time and keep others informed.

No one wants to go through a traumatic event. No one. However the reality is that lots of us do. I hope these suggestions will prove beneficial if you find yourself invaded by trauma. My desire is to use our experience to help others. How can I help you?

Tip: Remember - You don't have to be alone. God's invitation is awaiting a response.