Ladies Gathering

I've always been a behind-the-scenes type of person, but have learned that sometimes I have to be the one to make something happen. Recently I became aware of a more grumbly and complaining spirit in myself. I didn't like it and realized that I needed friends.

After my husband was moved to a long-term care facility, I moved back in with my parents to help them. I guess I'm still considered a caregiver, but it's very different from the caregiving I did for my husband. Whereas he needed help with all of his ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) plus 24/7 supervision, my role now is mainly one of a helper which allows my parents to remain in their own home and continue to do many of the things they have done for years and years. I am the chauffeur, the garden and project assistant to my Dad, the errand runner, and the meal and house aide to my Mom, etc.

My parents are wonderful people and it is a true blessing to be able to help them during their aging years. At the same time, it has been a challenge after 30+ years out on my own. Due to my husband's TBI, we left behind our life in North Carolina, our home, our friends, our church family. It was a sudden and huge adjustment. I'm still adjusting.

If you are a caregiver or your spouse is in a long-term facility (like mine), it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine and become isolated. We can tend to have a laser focus on ourselves and those under our care. We find that we never go anywhere for fun and are not making the time to connect with other people. That's when the grumbling and complaining spirit emerges. We must realize that it is important to find people we can spend time with just for fun in an environment where we are comfortable.

This past weekend was a real bright spot for me. I stole an idea from a friend and held a Ladies Gathering here at my parent's home. It was simple, informal, and relaxing. We enjoyed a light breakfast of homemade Morning Glory muffins (yum!), fruit, coffee, tea and juice, then sat and just talked. No agenda, no program, no meeting, no politics, no pressure, no negativity.

It came about after talking with other women in the community and finding out I wasn't the only one who felt isolated at times and just wanted to have other ladies to talk with and get to know. Our days are full and most events have some sort of agenda or program and thus we never really get to talk with people and learn about them. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.

I invited ladies from the community, from church, and old school friends. It was a small gathering this first time due to several conflicts, but that's OK. It's not about the numbers, it's about enjoying whoever is here. I hope to have a gathering once a month and it may be a different group every month. That's fine too, it will have a different dynamic each time. I think that will be part of the fun! I really enjoyed the couple of hours we few ladies had together and I believe the other ladies did as well.

This gathering was a safe and comfortable way for me to reach out to others and help myself also. It's easy to think we are the only ones who feel lonely and that everyone else is too busy. That is not true. There is probably someone nearby who needs a friend as much as you do. It's just a matter of who is going to take a risk and reach out first.

Romans 12:10a

"Love one another with brotherly affection." 

Tip: Keep it simple and reach out.