No Expectations

Colossians 3:1-4

"If then you have been raised with Christ, 

seek the things that are above, where Christ is, 

seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things 

that are above, not on things that are on earth. 

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 

When Christ who is your life appears, then you also 

will appear with him in glory."

No Expectations. That’s what my counselor told me. Work at having no expectations of other people, especially family members. Let’s face it; we all have expectations whether we are totally conscience of it or not. The problem with expectations is that when they are not met, we are disappointed, hurt, sad, crushed, dejected, or have a whole host of other feelings we’d rather not experience. If we are hoping for a phone call, letter, gift, or visit and it doesn't happen, this can trigger a downward spiral emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. However, when we don’t have any expectations, then when any positive thing happens we are pleasantly surprised or we can just enjoy another person’s company in a relaxed, no-strings-attached manner. 

Expectations are different from requests. In this context, expectations are usually unspoken desires or dreams – things we hope others will say or do. Requests are verbalized and give the other person the opportunity to respond. In my experience, expectations are those unspoken desires that we think the other person should intuitively know or comprehend. Very often they don’t and how can they if they don’t know what we are thinking or hoping? It’s not realistic. 

The Christmas season can be a time of great expectation which can lead to great disappointment. This Christmas and throughout 2017, try letting go of unspoken expectations. Sit down and write out those expectations, then choose what is really important to you and turn it into a spoken request. This can be difficult and scary. If it is too hard to verbalize your expectations, try writing a letter; otherwise, put them out of your mind. When we don’t carry so many unmet expectations, a huge mental and emotional weight drops off and we are truly able to enjoy our family, friends, and special occasions without the hurt, disappointment, and depression. Not only do we feel lighter and freer, but the whole atmosphere around us loses tension. 

As I am learning the principle of “no expectations” and how to verbalize what I need or want, the tendency to be hurt is replaced with richer, more open, and relaxed relationships. What I'm finding is that my previous desires are often being met or were selfish and unnecessary, even silly. In essence, I am releasing those I love to be who they are, not who I want them to be. I am learning to ask for the real assistance I need, but to let go of the unrealistic expectations that rob me of a lot of joy, peace, and contentment. I'm learning to look more and more to God who will supply my every need. (Philippians 4:19)

The above passage from Colossians reminds us to set our hearts on things above where Christ is and to set our minds on things above also. Christmas is the Christian’s remembrance and celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, our Savior and Lord. Jesus was the greatest gift ever given and the greatest sacrifice of our Heavenly Father. He came so that we have the opportunity to one day live with Him above. All we have to do is ask. Ask forgiveness for the wrongs we have done and accept that Jesus paid the ultimate price, His life, to bridge the gap between an unholy people and The One and Only Holy God.

My prayer for you this Christmas is that you will fill your heart and mind with thoughts of Jesus and why He left His home above to live among us. 

In John 14:27 Jesus says 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 

I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." 

Merry Christmas!

Tip: Read the Gospel of John and the book of Colossians.

The Bracelet

Gifts are my love-language. I like to give them and receive them. Especially unexpected ones. Surprises. You know, the good kind.

Today I received a gift basket filled with small gifts. Some wrapped and some not. This was no generic gift basket. This was a gift basket lovingly filled by the hands of women from my church. Every year they prepare lovely gift baskets for those who are shut-in or evidently for those going through difficult times. I'm not really sure why I received one, but today was like Christmas for me as I pulled out each surprise. Homemade cookies in a pretty glass jar, assorted candy, oatmeal/coconut soap, beautiful hand-made cards in a lovely folder that matches, a key with the words "courage" and "strength" on each side, some toiletries and The Bracelet.

When I opened the small blue box and discovered The Bracelet, I knew who had put it there and two memories flashed across my mind. 

The first memory goes back to August of 2014. Mike was still at home with me at that time and we were sitting in church on the first Sunday of the month. He was having a good day and our Pastor asked Mike and I to help with communion. This was a big deal for Mike to be able to assist in this way and when we returned to our seat, tears were running down his cheek. When the service was over, one of our sweet members with tears in her eyes removed a bracelet from her arm and gave it to me. It said "With God, All Things Are Possible". I wore the bracelet for probably a year or so.

The second memory is also on a Sunday. During the preceding months, this same sweet woman and her husband were experiencing difficulties of their own. Sensing that she needed a word of encouragement, I handed the bracelet back to her. It is not a good luck charm or talisman. It is a visible reminder of God's word which gives hope and encouragement. A reminder to turn our thoughts away from the pain and sadness and think of God and His promises.

Luke 1:37 (ESV)

For nothing will be impossible with God.

So today when I opened the blue box and saw The Bracelet, I had to smile. I slipped it onto my wrist and cherish the promise that I read there. God is not confined by what I see and know. He sees vastly more than I can ever imagine and His power is limitless. Where I see impossible, He sees possible. I like His view much better. Plus the act of receiving and giving hope in the form of His message on a bracelet tells me I am not alone here either. 

Where have you seen God do the impossible? I'd love to hear your story. 

Regular Life

I realized today that I've made this new venture of writing way too serious and complicated for myself. I've felt like I had to have something profound before I could write and therefore have strangled any creativity or impulse to write. My "regular life" takes over and writing gets pushed further and further down on the priority list and recently hasn't been happening at all.

Tonight my parents and I were eating supper and I told Dad that we had bought Heath Klondike bars for a special dessert. Then Mom begins to tell Dad about the unusual conversation we had in the ice cream aisle with two other customers and it hit me. This is regular life, it was funny, and would be fun to write. I hope you enjoy today's "regular life" story:

Today was a town day. Time for Mom to get her hair done, go to the bank, the post office, the hardware, etc. and then get groceries. We live seven miles outside of town so try to do it all at once. Since we were going straight home from the grocery store, Mom wanted to get some fun ice cream. Something other than plain old vanilla, because Dad was disappointed to find that was all we had at home. As we navigated down the frozen dessert section, my eyes landed on the Klondike bars. Dad had really enjoyed those in the summer so I pointed them out to Mom and asked what she thought about getting a package.

Just past my Mom was a tall gentleman in a green stocking cap with flaps over the ears who overheard my question. He immediately shot between my Mom and I and said "Do you like those? Are they good?" He proceeds to open the freezer door and take out two packages. 

"Yes, they are very good. Very rich" I said.
"Wouldn't be good for someone with diabetes, huh?" 
"Not really", I said "but my Dad likes them and he's diabetic. He does take medication for it though."
"Yea, diabetes will mess you up. Sugar too high is not good, sugar too low is not good. That diabetes can kill you" he says, as he stands there blocking the Klondike section with the door open. 

Then across the aisle, a lady pipes in "Cancer will kill you too!" 
"It sure will. There's lots of things that will kill you." We agree. Then there is more discussion about stuff that will kill you and my Mom and I realize we have lost total control of the freezer aisle and any hope of getting Klondike bars at the moment. 

The Gentleman then looks at the packages in his hand and asks which flavor I like the best. Heath. He holds two Heath packages in his hand, looks at them then at the freezer case, deliberates for a bit, while continuing to ask if they are good. He moves to the side just far enough for my Mom to reach in and grab a Heath package. He watches what she gets and then asks her if she has diabetes. 

Mom - "No, I can eat them." He then looks at me and says "Are y'all together?" Yes, we are. "Are you related?" Yes. "She your mother?" Yes. I laugh at this unexpected camaraderie in the middle of the freezer section and wonder how to kindly move on, my stomach is grumbling. Then he makes his decision, "Alright, I'm going to try the Heath ones." Great! I hope you like them, I say. And down the aisle he goes. Mom and I look at each other and smile as she chooses a 2nd package.

It was such a funny little encounter that brought a spot of laughter to the mundane errand of getting groceries on a regular-life day in town.  It still makes me smile. 

The Bible says that whatever we do we should do it as unto the Lord. 

Colossians 3:17 (ESV)

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything

in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Spending a few moments discussing ice cream flavors and what will kill you may not be very important and may take a few extra moments, but hopefully it brightened this gentleman's day as much as it did mine and that he's at home enjoying those Klondike bars.